Friday, March 26, 2010
i find it harder and harder each day to face the next.
with overwhelming amount of stress from various paths ahead of me - mainly university choices. there are also a form of pain which i have to wake up and face each day - trust issues.
i find it harder and harder to trust people around me on many matters. which include my decisions on university, my life decisions and even simple mundane stuffs. at the end of the day i found out that people are still for themselves.. even the ones who are cloest to you.
thats life ehh..
Dreamt at
6:43 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
it had been a looooooong day.
Starting my tuesday, 7.30am in the morning. i travelled all the way down to jurong to teach my kids. sure its tiring to deal with kids that are so attention seeking and active.
met baby after that and we went to marina square as planned for "Hotpot Culture" (: it was certainly very nice. with the crunchy bacon wrapped prawns and all the yummy dishes such as sambal pork, nigoh heiong, shabu shabu pork, fu chow fishball etc etc..
everything was rounded up nicely with lots and lots ofer strawberry in chocolate fondue. AWWWWS! Oishi-nehh! it was one of the few times i would eat so much during a buffet. but i ate back min $5 worth of strawberries! LOLOL. CHOMP CHOMP!
after which we took a walk to orchard. i guess we were feeling adventurous. it was a uber long trip! LOL. cuz we keep on digressing and ended up going to places like art shop, OG - to look at some bedsheets, buying green apple juice, visiting a super large 7-11, kinokuniya and guardian. LAMO.
even when the weather is extreme, the road is long, but holding your hands, let the time pass and simply walk through the streets, i can feel bliss. this is love babe!
Eventually we reached our destination. ION Zara, where by baby got his bag. the bag in his dreams, the bag where by made me walk so many times and cannot find when i wanted to get for his V-day. awws. LOL. but yes. mission accomplished. we went home and ended up sleeping like pigs even when the lights are still on-ed and there are people talking really loudly in the living room. yes. this is love baby.. this is love..
even when u had to leave early and we dident get to make the souffle, i really enjoyed my day with you since.. T.T its becoming so rare to spend a day with u! baby, lets promise each other to take more fotos okay? cuz, there are so little memories stored for us to look back. muacks. xoxo
ps. babyyy, thanks for your message. RWAR! (: i wil remb wad u promise de! haas..
Dreamt at
2:16 AM
Saturday, March 6, 2010
went to amk Kbox plazza with mer, jin and chen tdy! (:
it was not so long ago before we last met, but we had a good time nonetheless. it was kind of boring with all the jay chuo songs but the ending climax just nice. with lots of pussycat dolls and lady gaga. it ended well with "Bad Romance". woo hoo~
it was followed by a simpple dinner in the parsat. xoxo. i simply love the carrot cake there! XD
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if anyone had read about flower language most likely you will understand what this means. perfection and unattainable love. i had been feeling emotional and upset lately.
not just because of wanderlust is acting up again, but also at the same time, many issues regarding morals, love, trust are popping up in my head. also, now at a crossroad in life, whereby i can see choices in front of me, yet, i am unsure of what future each would bring, from university to work to starting my own bizz. also i am also skeptical of everything surrounding me, ranging from media to people. not to mention the fact that i can see many things falling into a pattern that i know so well. this pattern if not stopped in time may mean doom.
perhaps the sum of all such problems arise from the lack of amusement or concentration in my life. perhaps if i were to get myself lead a busy and packed schedule, would be able to forget momentarily about these existing problems.
there are so many fights recently. even i do know that i take two hands to clap, but i guess its mostly me being temperamental and flighty. even when i hate to admit, old scars never heals. they pretend to be better after some time, scab-ing and having new skin growing underneath, but truth is, the experience of how the scar is obtain still remains. the under layer of skin will never be the same. somehow it really frightens me.
nevertheless, i do come to an understanding of our love. "love the person for who they are". i am scared what if i am unable to do so. what if i get so pissed off and all which make me do things i regret? anger seldom appear before. because you are special, i dare to show u everything, my weakness, my anger, my scars, my pain and most importantly my love. i'm truly sorry if the love does not shine through my anger and fear recently, but they still exist, not a bit lesser then before. cuz i know u are the one.
YAY! we are gg to have a life after next monday. we are gg to have buffet, bake souffle, spend time together do up all the unfulfill things! catch a movie, drink our blue mountain coffee, walk walk, go for makan trips, go to the beach, see some stars, picnic, watch some anime and just spend time together. i am looking forward as i type these, cuz i know they are just not too far away.. *loves*
Dreamt at
12:39 AM
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
recently, i am faced with vexing trouble, regarding moral issues and monogamy. would anyone at this era still consider this?
well talk is cheap, say, can anyone swear that when you are attached, you do not fantasize about other people, not to mention have physical or emotional attachment to another other then your significant half? or when single, would you flirt with more then 1 at a time? or even more simply put, feels that after doing these from above would have no sense of remorse at all?
it is difficult. sure it is. blame it on the era, blame it on the social pressure, you can even blame it on technological advancement which we call it social networking(its surprising easy to find fuck-buddys online).
its not to say that when you are attached, you are not suppose to talk or have any forms of interaction with people of the opposite sex(for some, same sex). but perhaps on how far would you allow yourself to go. how much remorse would you feel? or perhaps how open are you with your significant half on these actions and feelings.
no one wants to be cheated on. no one planned at the start of a relationship to be cheated on. but there are people who plan to cheat on the start of the relationship.
i myself is a victim of cruel actions by another party. seen countless of cases ranging from families to close friends to normal day by day friends. yet it is rudely surprising, when you start to realize, people cheat not because they do not love their significant other. simply because of the excitement, pleasure and the ego boost they would feel.
i ever ask someone about cheating. his replies came back in questions and feigned ignorance. pains me to know that monogamy means so little to him. or being "right" means so little. it opens my perspective alot on how he view things. even when there is no clear black or white in his answer, it somehow let me know how little do i understand him after all these times.
to imagine someone you love dearly feels that excitement, pleasure and ego boost could surpass the long years of memories and precious time, could surpass your love for him, and most importantly, can surpass his love for you. how painful would it be?
this goes same to those out there who are cheating. if you feel that these are more important and you must give in to their temptation, simply stop cheating, go out with a condom in hand and have lots of fun with those who just love to party as you do. i am very sure that there are more then a bandwagon full of them who are just as willing. please do not hurt those who pour out their genuine love for you.
for those who cheat in the name of "my relationship is in a mess and i am cheating only because i am looking for something better". i guess, you are the one who is making a mess out of the relationship.
a relationship is not build on the basis of love if you ask me. i've realized this one too many times that what a relationship really needs is trust, truthfulness, communication and respect. and love is just the by-product of these factors.
communication and truthfulness, we will always cancel the "not so nice stuff" in any conversation to make yourself look better. truth is what ever you are hiding, your partner knows, dun pretend to make everything worse. because it hurts even more when someone hide everything from you when you know what you are doing but just unsure of the reason. it creates doubts and mistrust.
so to those who are out there still cheating, or not telling the truth, i guess that your cowardice surpass your love for excitement, pleasure and wadeva-you-believe-in-when-you-cheat. you disgust me.
Dreamt at
2:54 AM
