Tuesday, April 26, 2011
at least i still have a place to turn to when im down. a little place that is forgotten. it will not be missed. we had our first disagreement today. and its a little dash of reality, something cruel to remind ourselves no matter how we highly we think of ourselves, humans are still humans. we are subjected to emotions that does not belong to us, subjected to opinions, to pain and humiliation that we may feel for the aftermath of the outbust.
it just kills some fantasy. kills a small part of us, killed a small part of me. enlighten the both of us that things will never ever be the same anymore. like a ugly scar.
suddenly, all the little hopes and dreams and fairytales just seem a little paler. a little less beautiful. a little more real.
Dreamt at
5:10 PM
Its been a million years since i last posted. many things have changed. too many things. this place used to be a outlet for me to tell him how i feel in a subtle way. in secret means. in ways that i pretend he will not know but in actual fact we both know about this.
i don't expect anyone to see this post. or any future posts. i just want to write about how i feel so badly now..
its like a betrayal i did to myself and everyone around me. my decision to response to what was done to me. and this betrayal cannot be undone without betraying more people. to put it simply, i simply wish everything to go back to normal. to go back to what everything was not too long ago. so that no one will have to suffer or feel hurt due to my actions.
which brings me back to one of the quotes i left dead and buried under bliss that is taken for granted.
"Don’t do what you can’t undo, until you’ve considered what you can’t do once you’ve done it."
and all i wish for now is to for him to undo what he had done so that these chains of actions would never had happened. im not saying that i am wrong-free or guilt-free. even when i had not made this decision, i would not be able to live knowing what happened and yet pretend im blind to everything.
its just that it will leave all of jus feeling more then somewhat incomplete. and now, its just a collection of memories of unfulfilled dreams, tears and painful scars and wounds we will never have the courage to face... ...
Dreamt at
8:03 AM
